


Losing Lucas

by KathrynRuthD



Category: Richard Armitage - Fandom, Spooks | MI-5
Genre: F/M, Lapdance, One Shot, Richard Armitage - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:24:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathrynRuthD/pseuds/KathrynRuthD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas escapes from himself for a while. </p><p>Set at the end of Spooks 8.6.<br/>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Lucas

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: [Spooks] and Lucas North belong to the BBC and Kudos. All original characters belong to me

He was shaking as he knelt on the floor. He'd faced death so many times and yet now, with the cold stark reality of a gun held to his head, he realised he was really scared. What made it worse was he'd thought himself in love with the woman holding the gun. He was angry too. Angry that she'd betrayed him and the rest of MI5...and angry that he'd let himself be sucked into her cold heart. Worst of all, he'd allowed her the opportunity to disarm him, and now she said she had no choice but to kill him. There was always a choice...

 

He heard the door and realised that she'd left...that she'd not pulled the trigger. Today was not his day to die it seemed. Relief washed over him and he fell back against his heels, lowering his head into his hands. He didn't understand why she'd chosen not to pull the trigger, maybe somewhere deep inside her traitorous mind she really did have a conscience...after recent events he doubted it.

 

\--

 

Lucas needed a drink. He wanted to drown himself in a bottle of vodka and forget everything, to escape the despair of the unloved and the betrayed. He didn't know where he was going...he didn't much care. He found himself in Soho and a thought crossed his mind. He shrugged it off but it crept back in, reminding him of his last trip to Moscow. He'd been working...but in that club, with the girl on his lap, the burn of the vodka as it slipped down his throat...he couldn't deny that he'd felt something. The promise of that heady cocktail of lust and alcohol seemed so much more appealing than his flat or work...more appealing than the memory of that cold-hearted bitch Sarah too.

 

Round the next corner Lucas found himself heading down some steps and into one of the many lap-dancing clubs littering that part of London. He told himself he'd just have a couple of drinks and then he'd leave...that's all...just to take the edge off.

 

This was not a salubrious establishment by anyone's standards but he was sure there were worse. It was dark and too warm and the air felt thick. Removing his jacket he ordered a drink at the bar. Feeling more than a little ashamed that he'd had an urge to visit a place like this Lucas was relieved to see there were only a couple of other men being "entertained". Taking a seat he tried to relax, closing his eyes briefly as he felt the warmth of the vodka slide down his throat.

 

"Hi there..." A soft voice interrupted his thoughts and he opened his eyes. A woman had slid onto the seat next to him and was smiling at him. It was a false smile, he could see that, but as he looked at her he realised that behind the plastered on makeup, she was actually really attractive. She wasn't wearing much apart from black underwear that sparkled under the lights, so he could see she had a feminine curvy figure with long dark hair, soft brown eyes and caramel skin. She reminded him of someone and he smiled back at her in surprise.

 

"You look like you've had a bad day." She leant forward slightly as she spoke, emphasising her generous breasts.

 

Lucas couldn't help but look. "You could say that," he sighed, wondering if he looked like a man who'd just narrowly avoided death. "What's your name?"

 

She slid a little bit closer and whispered, "It could be anything you'd like it to be."

 

Lucas resisted rolling his eyes and realised that he was actually slightly turned on by this woman. She was sexy...he'd expected to find the women in a place like this sleazy but she was definitely sexy. And she looked so similar to... "Maya...perhaps I could call you Maya." He blushed slightly.

 

She nodded. "And what should I call you?"

 

"John...call me John." He felt a twinge of guilt as the name slipped off his tongue, but it disappeared as soon as he felt her hand slide slowly up his thigh.

 

"Well John, how about you buy me a drink and we get to know each other a little better?" She smiled seductively and he felt his groin swell.

 

Lucas ordered champagne...it was expected and as they sipped their drinks "Maya", in an attempt to get him to talk to her, gently probed him. What did he do for a job? Where did he work? Did he have a girlfriend? Lucas answered with the standard responses he always gave. When it came to the question of a girlfriend, he said they'd just split up because she'd been cheating on him. It wasn't a complete lie.

 

Maya stood up and moved behind him, trailing her fingers up his arm. Standing so close he could feel the warmth of her body against his neck, she started to gently massage his shoulders. "You're tense John...you need to relax...forget her."

 

She wasn't wrong he thought as he drank his champagne. Her kneading fingers felt good and he let his head fall back slightly so it was resting against her stomach. He could feel the soft rise and fall of her breathing as she worked her fingers under his shirt collar and rubbed his neck, the delicious sensation eliciting a slight groan from his mouth. He coloured and opened his eyes. She was looking down at him and smiled, "Feels good doesn't it?" Lucas nodded and shifted slightly in his seat as the tightness of his jeans increased.

 

Running a hand through his hair Maya moved back round in front of him and, taking him a little by surprise, she straddled his lap and began to move her body sensuously to the music that was playing. The need to touch her was almost too much for Lucas to bear. He wanted to run his hands over her curves, to pull her closer so she could feel the effect she was having on him, and looking at her soft lips smiling at him he wanted to kiss her. He wondered if she kissed like the woman she looked so much like. He'd not thought of her for a long time. She was part of his history...hidden away...but it wouldn't hurt to remember, just this once. He knew these clubs had a strict no touching policy so he restrained himself, but it was tortuous.

 

Maya had turned round and was facing away from him, grinding her curvy rear against his thighs...sliding it backwards towards his bulging crotch. He held his breath and then groaned helplessly as he felt her brush against his most sensitive part. She turned around again and moved closer, her lips so close to his face he could feel her breath against his skin, "I think we should go somewhere more private...if you want to John." Her voice in his ear sent a shiver down his spine. The yearning to see more of her...maybe feel more of her was too much to resist. He was lost somewhere between his memory, the twitching in his groin and the fizz of the champagne bubbles. He let her take his hand and blindly followed her to another room.

 

\--

 

Settled in a soft armchair in a private area and fuelled by expensive champagne Lucas watched mesmerised as Maya danced for him. He decided dance wasn't exactly an accurate description of what she was doing. She moved to the music but pushed herself against him at every opportunity, rubbing against his torso and grinding against his thighs. Far from being sordid and seedy as he'd assumed it would be, he was finding it incredibly erotic. She looked so like the Maya he remembered and that made it all the sexier. He still hadn't touched more of her than just her hand even though his fingers ached to feel the softness of her skin. She kept bringing her lips so near to his that he half expected her to kiss him but she didn't. He was so aroused by her that he was sure that if she did he'd embarrass himself horribly. In fact, he couldn't remember ever having been so aroused while still fully clothed. He shifted himself uncomfortably in the chair, attempting to ease the tightness of his jeans. It didn't work...if only he could undo them. The way they were bulging he was almost surprised they hadn't burst open of their own accord.

 

Sensing his discomfort, Maya stopped moving and smiled wickedly. She put her lips to his ear and whispered, "Tell me how this makes you feel John."

 

Lucas groaned and turned his head slightly so his long nose was pressed against her cheek, "I think you know."

 

She flicked her tongue against his ear lobe sending more shivers down his spine, "You want to touch me don't you?"

 

"Mmmm," was all Lucas managed to say. The tension in his jeans was agony.

 

"You want to do more than that don't you?" She pulled back ever so slightly and rubbed her nose briefly against his.

 

"Yes," he growled softly, then almost cried out as he felt her hand slide between their bodies and skim over the bulge in his jeans. His eyes must have betrayed his shock because she smiled softly at him and then stood up leaving him feeling more than a little bereft.

 

"Maya...sorry..." He blushed with embarrassment.

 

She poured him some more champagne, "Why? Don't apologise for enjoying me...that's what I'm here for." She laughed and handed him the glass before sitting astride his lap again and starting to unbutton his shirt.

 

"Ummm..." he looked around nervously, desperately wanting her to continue but not sure that she should. He put his free hand on hers, her skin was warm and soft which really didn't help him to think straight. With a great deal of effort he said, "Stop...please...I don't think...not here..." This wasn't what he'd imagined when he decided to step inside the club. She was not what he'd imagined. She was fulfilling fantasies he didn't even know he still had...bringing to the forefront of his mind things that had been buried for years. It probably wasn't a good thing...but it was so intoxicating. Since she'd first sat down next to him, he'd been remembering what it felt like to be himself again.

 

She'd stopped unbuttoning his shirt and was watching him curiously, "Why Maya?"

 

Lucas looked into her eyes, "You look like someone I used to know...she was called Maya. It was a long time ago," he shrugged his shoulders.

 

She ran a hand through his hair and stroked the bare skin at the nape of his neck causing him to breathe deeply and close his eyes. "Someone special?" He nodded in response.

 

She continued her caresses and pulling his head down so his forehead was touching hers she whispered, "You can call me anything you like John...but, maybe you'd be more comfortable if you called me by my real name."

 

He opened his eyes and found himself staring into hers. She looked sincere and suddenly he knew she was going to kiss him. Her expression was no longer teasing...maybe he was kidding himself but he thought he could see desire in her eyes. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him gently and sending little sparks of electricity through his body. She pulled away smiling.

 

He found himself smiling back, "What's your real name?"

 

"It's Megan. What about you?" She raised her eyebrows.

 

"It's John...that really is my name," Lucas surprised himself...he'd not admitted that to anyone for such a long time and he knew that once he left Megan's company he never would again. He hadn't revealed it during his eight years in the Russian prison...no amount of torture had brought it to the surface and yet the memory of Maya...that was his weakness.

 

Megan looked kindly at him, "Well John...you're a real pleasure. It's not often I get to dance for someone so attractive."

 

Lucas smirked ever so slightly. It had been desire he'd seen in her eyes.

 

"You're a gentleman; you've been very restrained." She put her head on one side and dipping a finger in his champagne glass she ran it over his bottom lip making it impossible for him not to respond. His mouth opened slightly and his tongue slipped out, lapping at her finger and drawing it into his mouth, gently sucking the liquid off. She did it again but this time it was her lip that she ran her finger over. Lucas risked leaning forward slightly and ran his tongue over her moistened mouth. He didn't kiss her fully, still a little unsure what was allowed.

 

Lucas stared into her eyes, trying to work out what to do. He wanted her...wanted to rip off what few clothes she was wearing and take her right there but despite the things she'd said and done he was still unsure. He'd never paid for sex in his life and attractive as she was, he didn't want to pay Megan. He wanted her to want him.

 

As if she was reading his mind she stroked his face and whispered, "I know you want more than I'm allowed to give you...and you're the first man who's come in here that's made me want to give you what you want. I'm very attracted to you." She sounded genuine Lucas thought. Taking his glass and putting it on the table she pulled his arms around her waist and cupping his face in her hands she kissed him. An open-mouthed kiss that found her tongue inside his mouth, sliding against his. He savoured the taste of her.

 

She pulled away, "I'm not really supposed to, but in here where it's private, I can kiss you and touch you and no-one will say anything as long as you keep buying champagne." She unclasped one of his arms from around her waist and taking his hand in hers she laid it against the bare skin of her thigh just above the top of her stocking. "They won't stop you doing this either," she slid his hand round to stroke the back of her thigh where it met her bottom. He bit his lip and groaned as the sensation of stroking her skin sent a wave of pure desire crashing over him. He pulled her closer and kissed her hungrily, unable to resist any longer, his fingers sliding up to caress the bare skin on her back and entangle in her long hair.

 

When they finally parted, flushed and breathless, Lucas stared at her wordlessly. Megan was delicious. She wasn't Maya, but lost in her kisses he could imagine she was. God, how he'd loved her. Not even Elizabeta had come close and he'd married her. Maya had been his world but circumstances had made it impossible for him to be with her so he'd pushed her and the rest of his past to the recesses of his mind, never letting her out...until now.

 

Megan shifted on his lap bringing him back to the present. His eyebrows rose as he watched her remove her bra. The sight of her perfectly full and rounded breasts was mesmerising and nearly pushed him over the edge. He shifted in his seat again, trying to relieve the pressure of his jeans. Megan smiled knowingly at him and went back to unbuttoning his shirt. Finding himself now powerless to resist he watched as she undid all the buttons and pulled the shirt free from his jeans, pushing it open to reveal his chest. If she was surprised by his tattoos she didn't show it, instead she started moving to the music again, this time sliding her breasts over the bare skin of his torso and burying her face in his neck to run her tongue over the sensitive skin there. Lucas lost himself to the sensations and started to wonder how you asked a lap dancer if she would like to spend the night with you. He needed more.

 

\--

 

Some time later Lucas found himself once again decently dressed and clutching a mug of coffee in a late night cafe a few streets away from the club. He rubbed his jaw wearily; had that been real? His mind flitted back to a half-naked Megan writhing on his lap and instantly his head was filled with memories of Maya. She'd never lap-danced for him but theirs had been a passionate and tempestuous relationship that he'd revelled in. He had loved Elizabeta with all his heart...she had been the light in his darkness while he was in prison, his beacon of hope...but once home he'd quickly realised that his memories of his marriage had been far removed from reality. Maya...she'd been different. Back then he'd been different...a whole other person...

 

"John...I wasn't sure you'd still be here."

 

Lucas looked up and was momentarily startled by the sight of Megan, now wrapped up against the chill of the night air in a black coat that reached her knees. He smiled, suspecting that she probably wasn't wearing much beneath the coat. "I said I would...so I am...coffee?"

 

She shook her head, "No...I'd rather get out of here." Taking hold of his hand she grinned at him and he let himself be pulled out of the cafe into the cold night air to hail a taxi.

 

\--

 

A short while later Lucas found himself inside the small but tidy flat that Megan shared with a friend. Her friend was away she assured him, so they would have complete privacy. Before he could ask anymore questions she removed her coat, confirming his suspicion about her lack of clothing. She was wearing just the underwear she'd had on in the club and Lucas groaned as he felt the familiar twitch in his groin. She smiled coquettishly at him and wiggling her bottom suggestively she moved down the hallway, beckoning for him to follow.

 

Reaching the bedroom Lucas found her sprawled across the bed. There was no doubting his desire for her but as he moved towards her, he found himself wondering what he was doing there. This wasn't him...he didn't do this kind of thing. Hooking up with women in clubs, no matter how much they reminded him of someone he loved, was just not what he did. He removed his jacket and sitting nervously on the edge of the bed with his back to Megan he felt her move behind him and place her hands on his shoulders. She started to massage him through his shirt.

 

"You're very tense John...relax."

 

Lucas felt himself slipping under her spell again...her fingers working their magic. Her hands slipped down his back and then her arms encircled his chest undoing the buttons of his shirt. She pulled it away from his shoulders and slipped it off his arms, trailing kisses down his spine. It felt so good, but his thoughts were taking over. He'd never been one for one night stands preferring instead to invest time and energy into relationships. No strings sex felt good at the time but afterwards, it just left you feeling empty.

 

He realised Megan's ministrations had stopped and he turned to look at her. She was watching him curiously. "You ok?"

 

Lucas sighed and lifting his legs onto the bed he lay back against the pillows with one arm behind his head, "Yes...I'm sorry. I'm just not sure I should be here."

 

Megan slid up the bed and lay down beside him, putting her head on his shoulder and pulling his free arm around her. He didn't resist, instead he pulled her close and kissed her forehead gently. She looked up at him, "I've never done this before. I'm sure it's not the right thing to do but the truth is, I like you and you turn me on. I know you feel that too." She reached up and kissed him softly before whispering, "I need you John...just for tonight...I need you."

 

Lucas looked into her eyes; he could see the desire pooling there, drawing him in. He knew he should walk away but he didn't want to...he needed her too...just for tonight. He needed to be himself...to lose Lucas North...escape to his past. He smiled at her and then carefully pushed her back against the pillows and covered her body with his. Cupping her face with his hands he slowly and deliberately kissed her full on the mouth, his tongue parting her lips and dancing with hers, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip. Megan groaned against his mouth and ran her hands down his back. As he dropped his head to leave butterfly kisses over her collarbone she arched her back and he slipped his hands beneath her, unfastening her bra and pushing it down to reveal the breasts that had so mesmerised him earlier. He ran his tongue softly over first one and then the other, gently sucking them into his mouth, enjoying the way it made her cry out. He slowly kissed his way lower and lower, kneeling up between her thighs to remove her stockings...kissing his way down each leg, finding all the little places that made her groan.

 

After he'd removed the rest of their clothes, and fumbled with a condom retrieved from his wallet he once again covered her body with his. Allowing himself the indulgence of his fantasies he closed his eyes and imagined she was Maya. He kissed her passionately, his tongue wrestling with hers, his fingers toying with her sensitive flesh until she was almost begging him to take her. When he finally gave in, the combination of his fantasies and her warmth was almost his undoing. He groaned with pleasure and as they moved together, bodies entwined, he lost himself to the memory of Maya.

 

\--

 

The next morning Lucas woke early to find he was curled protectively around Megan. He smiled to himself and carefully, so as not to wake her, eased himself away from her sighing quietly as he realised his head was throbbing. Too much Champagne he thought as he rubbed his eyes. Last night had certainly taken his mind off the day's events but...he'd gone to places in his mind that he never thought he'd visit again. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed Maya all these years.

 

Climbing off the bed, he pulled his clothes on and made his way to the bathroom to relieve himself and splash water on his face. When he returned to find his jacket Megan stirred and realising he was no longer in the bed, opened her eyes. She smiled softly at him...she was still gorgeous, he thought to himself.

 

"You're leaving?" She propped herself up on one elbow.

 

"I have to go...need to go home and change before going to the office." Lucas smiled apologetically.

 

Megan nodded and climbed out of bed, giving him a brief glimpse of her naked body before she wrapped a silk robe around herself. "Sure I can't tempt you back to bed John?" She grinned.

 

He shook his head, "Sorry."

 

They made their way down the hallway to the front door and he turned to her and hugged her.

 

"Can I see you again John?" She looked up at him hopefully. "I'd like to..." she smiled.

 

Lucas brushed her hair away from her cheek, tucked it behind her ear and shook his head. "No...I'm sorry but it's not a good idea." Seeing the disappointment in her face he felt a pang of guilt. He'd used her...he'd not once thought beyond the need he was fulfilling. She'd wanted him and he'd needed to feel wanted...needed to escape to his other self. This wasn't the sort of thing he did...at least Lucas didn't. He bent his head and brushed his lips across hers. "It's for the best Megan. You don't want a man who's attracted to you because you remind him of someone else. You're worth more than that. And I'm not someone you'd want to be around for long anyway...trust me."

 

She screwed her face up in disagreement. "We all have a past."

 

Lucas shook his head again and gently held her away from him. "There are things I've done...things about me I could never share with you. You have no idea..." he trailed off and sighed, rubbing his hand across his jaw.

 

Megan turned away from him and unlocked the door. Lucas put a hand on her shoulder and gently turned her back to face him. "Thank you..." he smiled softly. "Thank you for a lovely night...you have no idea how much this has meant to me. You helped me to escape from myself for a while. I know that doesn't make much sense..."

 

She brought a hand up to his face and lightly brushed her thumb over his cheekbone. "Yes it does...I know I met you in the club, but for once I was able to leave it behind. You helped me to escape from it. So I owe you some thanks too."

 

Lucas wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Lowering his mouth to meet hers he kissed her passionately, his tongue plundering her mouth. The kiss only serving to remind him once more how much he missed Maya so, committing the feeling to memory and pushing it to the back of his mind, regretfully he pulled away before they got too carried away. Kissing her forehead he whispered, "Take care Megan," and pausing briefly to smile and squeeze her hands he turned and let himself out.

 

\--

 

The early morning air was cold and his breath clouded as he walked down the road. With each step he felt Lucas returning and he shivered as he remembered how close he'd come yesterday to having his brains splattered all over the floor. Today he would have to deal with the consequences of Sarah's actions...today he must do his job...go back to saving lives and putting his country first. He was not the man who'd met a beautiful girl in a club last night...that wasn't him. It had been a wonderful night to be locked away in the back of his mind with his past. He was Lucas North...he had to be.

 

 


End file.
